1 month

this has been the fastest month of my life! I thought time was moving fast before, I had no idea! We are still home on maternity leave and I am enjoying every minute of it! Some days we have a pretty good routine and others not so much!  Berkley is a great sleeper, most nights, which makes it so nice for me because I have energy in the day to do things! Those first 2 weeks were a little rough. Trying to adjust, take care of Berkley, and heal from my surgery. There was 1 night where Berkley would not stop crying! I started crying with her and couldn't stop! Chris got home and after a couple hours of both of us crying non stop, he finally told me to go to bed and he would take care of Berkley. Thank goodness for a good daddy/husband. I wasn't sure what to do. He ended up staying up with her till about 3 in the morning! I was so thankful and happy to be able to sleep so I could function the next day.
We are now 6 weeks into this whole parent thing and I think we are getting the hang of it. I am starting to feel a little more comfortable about taking her out and we even have our first camping trip planned for this weekend! hopefully all will go well. We are also in the process of switching from breast feeding to bottle... so far it is going good besides a little constipation. some days are harder than others and some days I feel more guilty than others. Breast feeding is soooo much better for baby than formula but it is so hard on me! I HATE IT! I can't wear normal clothes, I can't wear a normal bra, I can't leave the house without planning the next time she will need to eat. I feel so tide down, not to mention the pain of breast feeding! anyway, it works for some and not others, i'm trying not to feel too guilty because she is doing really good with formula.
Every day I think I fall more in love with her sweet little face!  she is starting to smile and coo a lot! I can't wait for more fun things but at the same time I want to cry when I look back at how much she has already grown!

2 days old...

1 month old....

 

The Birth Story

On July 10 I had my last Dr. visit, still not making much progress and being 40 weeks, my Dr. stripped my membranes and scheduled the induction. Our little miss would be here on July 15. They had us go into the hospital the night before. They were going to start some medication in hopes I would go into labor on my own and then start the Pitocin in the morning. On Sunday July 14 my mom and sisters came up. My mom made us dinner and we prepared to go to the hospital. As the time grew closer my anxiety started to get out of control.... I started to freak out as we got closer to leaving. The saying "ignorance is bliss"kept repeating itself in my head. if your water breaks or your contractions are close, you just go with it! You don't have time to analyze and think about EVERYTHING that could or could not happen.  As we walked out the door Chris hugged me so tight and I broke! He told me how much he loved me and how exciting this was. He said not to worry and everything would be okay. It helped calm me down a little bit.  As we drove to the hospital tears streaming down my face I couldn't help but think, I should be happy and excited and instead I was terrified. I tried not to think about the labor process and just the excitement and finally getting to meet this little lady! We arrived at the hospital at 8pm checked in and rather than starting the other medication, they said my contractions were close enough they were just going to start the Pitocin. One small thing no one mentioned was that when you have pitocin the contractions are 10 times worse/stronger than without. So at 9pm I started really feeling the contractions... not too bad they were painful but I was dealing with them.... by about 10 I thought I was dying! the contractions were about 3-5 minutes apart. Chris was so supportive and was trying everything to help but it was so hard to focus on anything but the pain.... they kept asking if I wanted the epidural and I was only at a 3 and was trying to stick it out as long as I could because I had heard its bad for the baby too get it too soon. the pain started getting worse and I started throwing up because it hurt so bad.. around midnight and at 5cm I broke and got the epidural.... that was THE BEST thing ever! we were able to get some sleep and relax a little! it was hard for me to sleep because they would come in and check me about every 40 min... at about 1 am... they had me lay on my side... then about 2 started giving me oxygen... then at 3 they stopped the Pitocin and finally told us... Berkley's heart rate had been dropping and nothing they were doing was changing it.... The nurse left and said she was going to call my Dr. At about 330-345 my Dr. arrived and said we were going to be doing C-section. I started to cry and the scared feeling overwhelmed me...at 4AM they threw scrubs to Chris as  they wheeled me to the O.R. The Anesthesiologist was amazing and as I was hyperventilating he injected every drug possible to get me to calm down, and not feel any pain. Chris sat by my head and watched as they cut me open and went elbow deep to grab our little girl. I heard the Dr. say here she is, and then it went dead silent, I asked why isn't she crying? And then at 4:26 I heard my Dr. count to 3 and then the most amazing sound in the whole world! She screamed! She was a little purple/blue but she was here and she was crying! Turns out she had the umbilical cord wrapped about her neck not once, not twice but 3 THREE times! which is why my dr. counted to 3, as she unwrapped the cord. from this point everything became a bit blurry. I was so doped up and exhausted I'm not sure what happened. So on to the pictures!